FMSIPA selections

Introducing The First Class of the Future Michael Sanders Internship Program of America! We have:

Carl Spiess
Andress Boggs
Brandon Buckner
Tara Barone
Ryan Spilhaus
Abigail Gustine
Alex Witherow
Amanda Foster
Kent Walter
Claudia DeVuono (not pictured)

Let There Be Pickling

It is well known fact that I am not the sharpest cutlery the kitchen. It took 22 years of my life to figure out how to use the stove and boil something. I hope to one day know how to use a skillet, but one thing at a time please.

But I am an idea man. I know how to start something and run with it.

I bet you I could PICKLE! Doesn’t seem to hard right? All you need is water, salt, vinegar, a big jar, and the patience of an wise old soul.

It is not fair that Pickles, or should I say “Pickled Cucumbers,” get the sole credit and title of “Pickle” when there are many things that can be pickled, or should I say, could be pickled!

So…

Starting every 3rd week of all months that have 31 days, I will be leaving work early to run my own Pickled Fruit stand on the side route 7 in Alexandria. We will start slow with only pickled grapes and pickled bananas, but hope to get to pickling Strawberries, Pairs, and Papayas soon after. You haven’t live until you’ve had a piping hot Pickled Papaya.

Don’t like the pickled products? Fine, try this one on for size!

On every 2nd and 3rd Wednesday night of the summer months my Pickled Fruit stand will roast candy in a portable wood stove. Roasting mallows is a thing of a primitive past. The new trend will be slow cooking Starburst, Tootsie Rolls, Circus Peanuts, and Cow Tails over a semi open fire.

It  will called Michael’s Pickle-Fru and Roasted Sweets Stand. Prices will be extremely economical and for every 20 pounds of fruit and sweets sold, Michael will give a dollar to a fund that builds public fire pits for the homeless.

I am taking volunteers to help donate candy and fruit produce.
Any fruit basket donated, will be solely used for pickling (and the basket will be broken down for the fire.)

Note: there will be no apple pickling. All donated apples will be eaten on site.

Blogged!

Internship UPDATE!

Hello to all my Future MICHAEL SANDERS Applacants!

I have uploaded a Word Doc for all you people that cannot connect to me in person or FAX the pdf applacation. Tisk tisk.

So, please download the Doc, fill it out and send me a la email. (I’m looking at you Seattle!)

The Deadline is soon, but I cannot tell you when OR how, but you will know in time my little minions.

FUTURE MICHAELS word doc!

Email me at mjsanders83@gmail.com AND STEP ON IT!

Internship (Phase 3)

It’s Spring again!  And you know what that means…Summer follows Spring! Hooray for Summer! Spring means planning for Summer. Summer beats Spring like Rock beats Scissor (and that is another entry, another time.) But there’s two things I’ve noticed in the spring air as of late; one, many people are out of work, and two, springtime means many young adults and college students are looking for summer jobs or internships. Well I have conjured a brilliant program that will not just strongly benefit the listed persons above, but will help usher in a new great Phase in the Michael Sanders Empire!

If you have not become familiar with my last Phases yet, I would urge you to do some reading on the Tower and the Corner before moving on.

All caught up? Great. Moving on.

Introducing, The Future Michael Sanders Internship Program of America!

Yes, you heard correctly. Follow his every footsteps and gain the knowledge you could never get at a liberal arts college or a fluorescent burnt cubicle. Become a master in design, innovation, invention, and ideation! Feel the winds of creativeness flow through your hair on that Sunday cruise to opportunity. Roost in the Crow’s Nest and keep watch as Michael sleeps. Get deep down in the muck with him as he battles managing multiple clients, a full time job, multiple side project businesses, and a girlfriend.

“What will I learn,” you ask? The real question is, what will you not? Among learning creative writing techniques, dance moves, fight dance poses, and how to not die in a fight with a bear, you will ultimately learn about yourself.

There will be 15 spots and as of now the program is a non-paying internship. But that is if you don’t count staying in the Tower all summer long as payment of course!

Lodging is provided and required. All Future Michael’s will sleep on Michael’s extremely comfortable floor (It’s lined with sheep’s skin and smells like the beard of a wise sherpa chewing on oak leaves.) As for food, fend for yourselves.

Here’s an EXAMPLE of the average day of the Future Michael:

7:00AM: Wake Up! (But don’t wake Michael just yet) Start the day off right by journaling out your dreams from the sleep to which you once belonged.
7:15AM: Work out outdoors in the yard. Move stones, balance on logs, etc.
8:30 AM: Sprint to the the Starbucks on the waterfront (only 1.5 miles) and pick up one of their blueberry croissants (toast them please) and a large white mocha latté with skim milk, light foam.
9:00AM: Wake Michael with a joyful song and his blueberry croissant and white mocha latté.
9:40AM: 5 rotated Future Michael’s will run help run the Corner’s Daily business.
9:45AM: The remainder will leave for the office with Michael. All must fit into one car. It is mandatory. For the HOV.
10:30AM: The office work day begins. Each Future Michael is assigned specific tasks like coffee runner, copier boy/girl, pre-press monkey, email screener, number cruncher, funny youtube video finder, Rock Band set up crew, bookie and look out. Each FMer will responsible to write down and later recite funny things Michael says throughout the work day.
12:30PM: One intern will go out and pick up Chipotle for the crew. Their treat.
1:30PM: Nap time.
2:30PM: Back to work.
3:30PM: Razor Scooter circuit races through the building.
4:00PM: Leave work.
4:45PM: Tandem Bicycle ride through Old Town while handing out random literature found in the back of used bookstores
6:00PM: All FMers meet back at the Tower for food, fun, and fellowship and a large delicious spaghetti dinner by Michael’s girlfriend.  *NOTE* Starting up a game of “cup/slap/pass” or “big booty” will result in being terminated from the program.
7:00PM: Practice carpentry.
8:00PM: The Future Michaels practice their fight dancing skills until the sun goes down.
9:00PM: Michael leads the group on a blindfolded trust wake through a dodgy randomly selected neighborhood.
10:00PM: All will curl up on the den floor and practice our creative writing and read each others stories out loud.
11:00PM: Freestyle dance competition followed my Michael’s coveted lessons and secrets on cutting the rug.
12:00AM: Hostile take over drill! Everyone fortifies the Tower and heads to the Situation Room to discuss Tornado, Zombie, and Terror scenarios.
1:00AM: FMers practice Stealth techniques running from roof top to roof top in the city.
3:00AM: Everyone heads back to the Tower for warm glasses of Milk before bed.
3:15AM: Lights out!

Other Events may include:

• Skydiving
• Bear taming & Camping trip
• Digging a well
• Marketing and design fair
• A mock trial
• Horseback riding
• Writing a penpal
• Hunting wild game out of season
• Art Expo
• A recital

So I hope everyone will consider this as an option for their summer. The program is pulsating with opportunity!

I have uploaded a PDF of the application. Make sure you fill in every single detail. I expect to receive applicants in the hundreds, so please mail or email it back to me in a timely manner. Thanks!

Right Click this bad boy here to download the PDF

In-the-mean-Time Capsules

I’ve always wondered what it might be like to have a time capsule. But honestly, in this fast day and age who has the time or patience to find that 20 to 50 year old box in the cold, hard ground filled with marbles and newspaper clippings? I don’t, that’s who! But the idea still intrigues me immensely. That’s why I propose the idea of weekly time capsules or what I’d like to call In-the-mean-Time Capsules.

Yes, In-the-mean-Time Capsules. Bury your stuff that is momentarily meaningless to you, but in a week will be like lost treasure to you!

It is important to put things in the capsule you would think you go without for just a about a week or so.

Items I’d put in my In-the-mean-Time Capsule, and so should you:
1. An extra par of keys.
2. Watched Netflix DVDs. You’d probably wait a week to mail them back anyway.
3. Chapstick. It’s small, it’s cheap, it’s too perfect to not be in this.
4. A new roll of Toilet paper.
5. Gum.
6. A bag of your favorite of chips (fun size preferred).
7. A clean pair of clothes. Bank on the fact you’ll be neck deep in dirty laundry, with nothing to wear.
8. Peanut Butter - Also would work well a 50 year capsule as well. (sorry TB)
9. Your checkbook - This will keep one from burying the capsule in some common place. The Capsule is worth the risk!
10. Coupons! - One would be so excited, they’d go straight to the grocery store to shop and save.
11. Left-overs from a hearty meal. (Tread carefully on this one)
12. Bills - This one you’ll actually love burying, but not digging up.
13. That funny list or inside joke you scribbled onto a napkin. In a normal time capsule, one would not remember the story, but after being a week in the ground, barrels of laughter will fill your insides again.
14. A can of your favorite soup. (I like Campbell’s Chunky Noodle).
15. Smokes. Then someone can say, “Congratulations! You’ve gone a week without smoking, now move them from the capsule to the trash.” If you go a week then you can go the rest of your life without them.
16. A jump drive. Make sure to put some important papers or files on it as well.
17. Concert Tickets or Wedding Invitations.
18. A squirt gun. No reason; they’re just awesome.
19. The iPhone. Think of this one like fasting; it’s honestly the only way to keep it in the ground.
20. And lastly, a stop watch.

SO there you have it. This what I’d put in the ground.

Cake Versus Pie!

Among the world’s greatest rivalries in History, like Pirates and Ninjas, Coke and Pepsi, USA and USSR,etc., there is a great rivalry that needs no other introduction. Everyone knows about the Cold War, but what about the “Warm War” also known as the Dessert War. I speak about cake and pie.

Cake verses Pie!
When the dinner tables become divided,
on the dawn of dessert,
When the bakery becomes a battlefield.
Sugar is torn in two.
Flower and Eggs on one side,
Fruit and Crust to the other.
CAKE VERSUS PIE!
Moist versus moist-er.
Everyone must choose a side.

But it wasn’t always like this. There was a time when Pie and Cake came from the same oven. They sat next to each other in the Baker’s display case. Until one day someone came between them. Cheesecake.

What is Cheesecake? Is it a pie? Or is it a cake? Most people assumed it was cake, but Pie thought differently. After a few bitter and tense years, Pie decided to make a stand against Cake.

These are some of the transcripts of how that fateful day when down:

Pie: “Cake! Cake! Get out here! This is a formal demand that you surrender the rights, you think you may have, on Cheesecake!”
Cake: “Well, well, well…If it isn’t my arch rival, Pie. Feeling a little less delicious and desired these days?”
Pie: “I’ve come to take back what is rightfully ours.”
Cake: “Well, you know, I can do that. Cheesecake has always been called a cake.”
Pie: “Don’t you look at me with that condescending frosted smile. Cheesecake is nothing but pie and you know it! Just hand him over and things won’t get messy.”
Brownie and Cookie: “What are you guys doing?!? Don’t do this!”
Pie: “Get back in your display case, little ones! You want nothing to do with this. It’s between me and the Cake.”
Cake: “Oh, why are you afraid they might chose the side of their fellow egg and flowered treat?”
Pie: “Don’t flatter yourself. You’re the only one that will be shedding crumbs tonight.”
Cake: “Yeah…in the mouth of a costumer! (That’s a Got’em)”
Pie: “The problem with you is that you think you’re so mighty and wanted with your ‘ice cream cake’ and your ‘wedding cake’, but I know you cry yourself to sleep at night, wishing you had more to offer than chocolate or regular. And we all know here that you are just sugared bread with frosting!”
Cake: “Shut your crust, Pie! You are so undeserving for serving.”
Pie: Nice one, did you read that in ‘sugared bread’ cookbook?”
Cake: Yeah ok, Pie, whatever. You just remember who you are when children eat their birthday cake, newly weds cut into their wedding cake, while crazy Uncle Joe will be biting into his Molasses Pie at the local Wafflehouse at 2 in the morning.”
Pie: “You say that, but don’t you forget apples, cherries, peaches, berries, pumpkins and a whole mess of fruit have my back!”
Cake: “Ummm…haven’t you Strawberry shortcake?”
Pie: “Yeah I have,…but I’ve also heard of FRUITCAKE. And we all know how that went!”
Cake: “How dare you bring that up!
Pie: Just hand over Cheesecake and we’ll all forget about your fruity fruitcake past.”
Cake: “Oh so you can call it Cheesepie? I don’t think so.”
Pie: “Then this means DESSERT WAR!”
Cake: “Prepare meet your Baker!”
Pie: “Remember the A La Mode!”

And so that’s how the great Dessert War started. And it’s been quietly raging everyday since.

To Be Continued….

25 Years

Today is my birthday. It is a large birthday for me; 25 years old (or young.) A third of my life is probably over. I look forward the great adventures, and exploits I will have in the future, but before I become that weathered and aged man with the eye patch, I wish to share with you the Legendary story of my life live so far in this quarter of a century.

I now present to you….
Twenty Five Years of Michael Sanders

Year One: According the accounts of his mother, Michael pointed to the moon in the sky and said his first word,”Sphere.” It was then assumed that this child would accomplish many deeds in his life to come.

Year Two: While other babies where crawling, or even walking, Michael scooted with his belly on the floor like the wise serpent.

Year Three: Michael scissor kicks his sister in the nose with his Cookie Monster Shoes in her Cabbage Patch tent. When he was spanked by his father, Michael only sheds two tears for the pain caused to the Cookie Monsters on his left and right foot.

Year Four: During the family’s pilgrimage to the land of Disney, Michael gets his head stuck in some bars in front of a pond at the Disneyland Hotel. When asked why we was crying, Michael said he was grieving for the wrongful imprisonment of the rare Shubunkin Goldfish.

Year Five: Michael fights, tames, and rides his first mountain lion. He names him Brandon. He then spends the majority of the year racing him on BMX tracks.

Year Six: The Sanders family purchases their first trampoline, where Michael starts his rigorous training in “Fight and Dance.”

Year Seven: Michael joins his first church gang, the “Coyotes.” They roam surrounding arroyos and gullies playing games like poke the rattlesnake.

Year Eight: While other children are playing with their toys, Michael is busy running extensive tests on his own action figures in feats of burial, freezing in water, flight, theater, and of course limb-to-limb transplants.

Year Nine: While the legend of Michael was quickly brewing at school, he was suddenly exiled to a new school were he was subjected to the bondage of a bi-lingual class. In defiance, Michael refused to learn such nonsense, so the evil Mrs. Sanchez made an example of him, with public ridicule, slander, extra work, and sending him to “resource” twice a week for “help.” Michael survived. Mrs. Sanchez did not; she passed a few years later of a blackened heart. ( jk, jk -but she did die though R.I.P.)

Year Ten: Michael makes his mighty return to his old school and is greeted with children waving cactus blossoms. He becomes the 4th grade class’s Barron of Stuffed Animal Friday, in which he’s given the task of assigning other students with what stuffed animal to take home for the weekend. (Secretly Michael picks all the cool stuffed animals for himself and puts them in cage matches with his own stuffed animals and/or his mountain lion, Brandon.)

Year Eleven: Michael takes his Walkabout through the New Mexican high desert to become a Man, where he learns about Earth, Wind, Water and Fire. Upon his return he learns that his dear mountain lion ally, Brandon, has fallen ill and passed. In his sorrow and despair, Michael is greeted by a young mammoth of a mammal, the mighty and legendary MOOSE. They became a new supreme alliance. So it is written.

Year Twelve: Michael becomes a kingpin on the playground. As a master in marbles, dodgeball, pogs, 4-square, kickball, and Nurf football, he leads other 6th graders in great feats and endeavors. Michael is also involuntarily enrolled into the Awanas program at church. While others are rewarded with badges, trophies, and other awards for scripture memory, he gets a pack of pencils for his “Excellence in Participation” during game time.

Year Thirteen: Michael arrives. He is granted excess into the world of the “Youth Group”, as well as the mutinous realm, they call “Middle School.” Michael also notices a striking change in the world; he discovers “Girls!” Michael also joins up with in his school’s elite society called “Falcon Football.” They become city champions going 6-0. In rebellion, or out of pure randomness, Michael dies his hair blood red. By his hispanic football comrades, he is titled “Joto Hair” ( pronounced “ho-toe”, meaning gay man’s hair in spanish.) But Michael laughs last.

Year Fourteen: Michael discovers what is like to like “descent” music and develops an appetite for Punk Rock, and his life is changed forever. Michael starts to snowboard, but in reverse counterculture, decides that skiing is far superior and continues to destroy ski trails near and abroad.

Michael’s world is turned UPSIDE DOWN when he learns that his father will be moving the tribe to the far and distant land unknown to all New Mexicans, the land of Virginia. Michael knows then that he will have to leave his home, where he worked so hard to establish his household name.

Year Fifteen: Now a Virginian, Michael begins high school, and starts this new life at the bottom, as a mere unknown foot soldier forced into the feudal “Courtland Football” institution. They go 0-10. Despite the dreaded imprisonment of high school, Michael befriended several life long allies, such as Mr. Morrow, Mr. Hogan, and the Stone Brothers. They would lay the ground work for a union of Fury and Fire, known as the Boyz (or known now as the Fredericksburg Crew)

Year Sixteen: The Boyz run amuck, bush bombing, pillaging, kidnapping, saving damsels, and performing “Aquatic Drive-By’s” in Mr. Hogan’s speedy chariot known as “The Sundance.”

Year Seventeen: Michael and the Boyz decide to make an avant garde indie film company known only as “Ishbu Productions.” They would, of course, be so far ahead of the times that none of their films would make it to the masses because outlets such as Youtube were not yet in existence. It was also in this year, Michael and some of the crew formed the short lived, mythically legendary Punk band called SCAPEGOAT. They played only a handful of shows, a dozen songs, and would go down in musical infamy.

Year Eighteen: Michael finally does his time, and graduates from high school. After turning down multiple scholarships and invites to Ivy Leagues schools, Michael points his sword to the school of Champions, known as Liberty University. He then joins other comrades in the Champion’s legion to be bred to seek and destroy for Christ. The Boyz become known as the Fredericksburg Crew, once and for all.

Year Nineteen: The dark year. Michael’s father passed later in that year. Michael becomes the sole male heir to the Sanders name. We will do his father proud.

Year Twenty: In the wake of the dark time, Michael bounces back in full force. Michael grows stronger physically and mentally. While conquering with an Iron First (which he learned while taking a semester of Karate. Orange Belt; Don’t mess,) Michael finds himself finding his fiery trade in graphic design. He then travels to far ends of the country seeking knowledge and strength via internships and vacation. While on his stay in a distant paradise, he receives a message that his old mammoth of mammal, MOOSE, has died of a big heart (he also had heart warms.) The Boyz back home conducted the burial.

Year Twenty One: Michael graduates from Man to All-Man, by wrestling a rabid brown bear on the top of a school bus full of blind children for three days. Michael and the bear finally declared it a truce, hug it out, and share warm cups of Hazelnut Honey Tea and tell stories to the sightless children.

Year Twenty Two: One summer’s day, on a hike in the Blue Ridge Mountains, Michael stumbles upon several golden tablets in the shape of vinyl records. On the tablets are the specific instructions on how to make the perfect dance mixes. With this information, Michael starts throwing the greatest dance parties of all time.

Year Twenty Three: Michael begins to work for the University by aiding and advising the Student Funtivities Department in such undertakings as the Worlds Largest Helium-Balloon-Animal parties, bi-monthly white elephant gift exchanges, and seven Family Force Five concerts. As well as aiding the department in events, Michael produces and enforces the Graphic Design and Promotional Coolness and Standards Act (GDPCSA) to keep sucky posters off the University’s walls.

Year Twenty Four: Michael graduates and gives a final farewell to the City of Seven Hills and moves his headquarters to the far North of the Commonwealth. He then sets up camp in the city which lies on the cusp of the capitol, which they call Alexandria, (That’s Greek for land of Alexander the Great.) After establishing his stay in the towering palace, many know as the “Tower,” Michael hunts for a job like a starving great wolf stalking a wounded doe. He becomes a “hired gun” of a designer to scrape by.

Year Twenty Five: Michael finds his place. While beginning a job as an elite and inspired creative force in a powerful church, Michael sets his mind and will to laying the foundations to a glorious empire. An empire starting off simple, which will grow to such a magnitude, few will truly be able to comprehend it. He wagers that there will be 12 Phases to the empire, which will only be interpreted and relayed through the majesties and the ramblings of a simple blog, from a complex mind.

And so, it is written; 25 Years under the large leathery belt of Michael J. Sanders.

Halloween: My Thoughts on the Matter.

Werewolves, put away those sherpened claws and give your rival vampires a heart felt hug. Vampires, embrace your enemy Werewolf; don’t bite neck but kiss his cheek. For it is Halloween, and it’s time to carve that pumkin and fill it with Dots and Circus peanuts for all the visiting children.

Ladies, let’s not whore it up too much this year, ok? I’m pretty sure a nurse would not wear that on any hospital ward. I’m pretty sure Alice in Wonderland did look like an Atlantic City harlot. Men, let’s retire the Jason masks this time around. I’m thinking no really cares if strong silent typed Jason Vorhees will be after them this year. They’re probably more concerned that creepo with the glow-in-the-dark hockey mask working in that overpriced haunted “Terror Forrest” who rubbed against them and swiped their new iPhone G3.

This will be on a my wall, in my children’s home:

“As for our house, we Trick or Treat, not just settle for just a meastly Church fall festivals.”

I think if there was ever to be an actaul live action Nightmare Before Christmas, I think Michael Jackson should be Jack Skellington. Why? Because he is the actual King of Halloween town. Proof?

1. Neverland raunch = creepy = Halloween Town
2. Thriller
3. Neighter Jack nor Jacko have noses. Gamepoint and matc

OMG Ghosts!

OMG! So I’m sitting here, outside on my deck, enjoying the beautiful October ni, and I decided to give a some photographical progress of my diabolical beard on my Mac, in artic Sepia and I get THESE!

@#$%@#$%@#!

So this ain’t no “real” blog entry. I’m just letting you know what might happen when you take a picture of yourself on a Mac in Sepia. Take heed.

Story developing….

The Corner (Phase 2)

So there’s this shady vacant building on the corner my street at East Linden and Braddock, across from the Yate’s Auto Parts (most expensive gas on the planet) and around the corner from the “world’s sketchiest 7-11” (it’s the crossroads of all Alexandria’s social classes where they buy their Black&Mild’s, Slurpies, under priced Chiken Hog Dogs, etc.) It resembles an old crummy decaying building that someone once decided to paint several coats of white, making it neighborhood friendly, but in actuality, looking like the paint is holding the building together. There are also only a few windows which happen to be tinted black. hmmm….

Most people would be wary of such a lecherous structure, but not me. Because I believe it will be the sight of new my business(es). What’s business(es) you ask? Well, what will it not be, I ask you!(..?) It will be my little shady warehouse of all things Michael Sanders.

First off, in order to keep the legendary Tower (Phase 1) in working process, funds must be raised. The Electric bill has sky rocketed since the Situation Room has gone fully operational.
Someone has to pay for the weekly cleaning and sanitizing of the Ball Room!
Someone has to pay Daft Punk for Playing at my House!
Someone has to pay for the landscaping of the Porch of the Pegasus!
Someone has to fill the fridge with sweet sweet mead in the Pirate Baaaarrr!
It is clear that I must buy, rent, or conquer the white warehouse of unknown solitude that resides on the corner of East Linden and Braddrock, known now as The Corner.

Sub-Phase 1: Rent it, OR Break into it!

For a while there was this big yellow H3 parked outside. Drug house? Whatever! I have the Lord on my side, and it is His will that I march in and conquer any drug, pimp and crack dens that lay in the path of my empire, if need be.
OR I’ll just call up a commercial realtor.

Sub-Phase 2: Set up Shop

I figure most businesses must start small and simple, but where’s the innovation in that?!? Therefore I have decided to start off with 7 separate operations, each on a different day of the week.

Below, is a preview of the signs and descriptions of each daily business.

MONDAYS:

It’s best to start off with what you know and do already (for the most part…) The first logical step is putting an actual roof over an existing business or trade. Now I will be able to work on existing Glorious Graphic projects, have in house design meetings and appointments with clients. The Tattoo Parlor will be the new addition to the company. After always getting,
“Dude, you should do tattoos for real, instead drawing on my arm!” and “Can you draw my a sweet skull eating a sun? I want to get it inked onto my lower back!”, I will be able answer all the questionable questions of body art.

NOTE: There will be no suns, barbwire, tribal designs, Chinese, Cantonese, or any other Asian characters unless  going on a customer of Asian descent, tramp stamps, evil clowns, gangster clowns, or sports team icons/numbers/mascots tattooed to anyone at Glorious Graphics and Tattoo Parlor.

TUESDAYS:

On Tuesdays we’ll be taking the time to give back the community. “Hobo Meals for Hobos” will be a tasty alternative to the usual soup kitchens for the homeless and displaced. First off, what is a Hobo Meal? It is a delicious delicacy of seasoned chopped meat, chopped garlic potatoes, carrots, corn, etc., pilled into a heap inside a tin foil pod and then cooked and roasted on a campfire! (or in this case, a barrel fire.) At night it will be opened into a Chipotle styled restaurant.

WEDNESDAYS:

A slightly more “down low” business. “Bird Fight!” puts together different free range trained birds such was roosters pigeons, crows, turkeys, etc. in all out bird on bird combat.

NOTE: All business will be made on ticket sales ALONE. We will not be held responsible for any actions or incidents involving the fatal injury or death of a bird. All birds will sign a death weaver before combat. (…with their BEAKS dipped in INK, that’s HOW!)

THURSDAYS:

Thursdays will be devoted to self defense training while receiving a cardiovascular workout. At “Fist Punch: Celtic Cardio Dojo” you will learn mixed martial arts from such disciplines as Scottish Brute-Do, Orange belt level Hapkido Karate, and “this one thing I learned to do to someone’s arm with a 2 inch pocket knife”. Learn new logical self defense tips like keeping a large rock under your car seat.

NOTE: In addition, spin classes will be offered in the winter.

FRIDAYS:

Ah…my favorite day of business. During the day, The Dance Corner will offer dance lessons by the dance machine himself, Michael Sanders. Learn such moves as the “Jive Turkey”, the “Jumping Jared”, “Crazy Legs”, “It’s almost the Robot”, and much more. Then at night, The Dance Corner turns into a fully operational Night Club. woot woot.

SATURDAYS:

In the vein of Medieval Times and Colonial Williamsburg, I bring you “The Gypsy Town” Bring the family and enjoy the entertainment, with authentic Eastern European Gypsies, spicy/garlicy food, crystal ball readings, Euro-carnies, grifters, juggling, meat on a stick, authentic jewelry making, spin dancing, creepy old people, wild gypsy dogs, dancing sloth bears, pick pocketing orphans and much more fun! While the gypsies will provide all entertainment and vending, the Corner will take a cut of 40% of all profits (Even though I’ll tell the Gypsies 50%….cause I know they’ll try to short hand me regardless.)


SUNDAYS:

Take ride in a Hot Air Balloon around historic Old Town Alexandria and have the best view of all the DC Metro area! (With the optional Bible Study in the Sky.) This is actually a good idea. If only the Airport wasn’t so close…



Well, there you have it. Phase 2 of 12 in the Michael Sanders Empire: Small Commerce. The Dreams will only get bigger… Stay tuned.